This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
