He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
