Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
