you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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