I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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