it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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