Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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