my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
