Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
