I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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