You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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