wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
