a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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