Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
