Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
