someone threw a dead crab at me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
