Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
