nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
