i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
