I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
