My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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