How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
