I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
