When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
