dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
