He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You dont lie about slip and slides
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
