I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she pinky promised me she was 18
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
