If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
