I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
