how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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