He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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