I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
