Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
