You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
