i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
