i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
