she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
