What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
