and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
