I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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