i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
