I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
