You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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