My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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