An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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