WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
