I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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