Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
