is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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