If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
