im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize