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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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