Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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