Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
