dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
