i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
