I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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