You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
